I might be racist…

I think I might be racist. I’ve been struggling ever since I heard of George Floyd’s death. I don’t know what to do about it, but I know I must do something.

When I first watched the 11-minute video in its entirety, I felt something strange inside of me. Confused by the officer’s actions, I began wanting to see what happened before Floyd ended up on the ground. My husband reminded me that there was nothing that could have happened before that would have justified this man’s death. My chest tightened.

My niece posted on her Facebook page, “We have to have the courage to call racism what it is. This must end! Rest in Peace George Floyd.” Her anger made me uncomfortable and I thought, “I’m not racist.” My throat constricted.

Later in the day, someone posted a picture of George Floyd with the words, “I can’t breathe.” I watched the video again and wondered why someone didn’t do something. I envisioned myself rushing the cop and pushing him off of Floyd. Even though, I’m not sure I would have done that. Most likely, I would have stood on the sideline with the others, at a safe distance, yelling “LET HIM GO!” Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach as I realized I might have turned and walked the other way.

As a Christian, I know that faith without works is dead. I know that Jesus came to free the oppressed. If  I am going to call myself a follower of Jesus Christ, then I have to do something. I can’t just speak love, I have to be love. Love in action because anything else is nothing but a clanging cymbal. To make myself feel better, I posted a Martin Luther King Jr. quote. But all I felt was sick.

The next day, I got in an argument with my niece about racism in America. In my defensiveness, I realized that as a white person, it is hard for me to talk about racism. I listened to my father defend himself, that he is not racist. “My family never owned any slaves.” His words took my breath. I knew in my gut that, just like him, I am racist. I cannot even help it. My silence or inability to discuss the issue was speaking louder than anything else.

To distract my mind, I turned again to Facebook, where I read quotes like, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” Floyd’s life mattered and I knew it. Now, in his death, his voice was being amplified.

Here’s what I know;

It is hard to talk about racism. But that is exactly what I need to do.

When I try to justify, I move in the wrong direction. When I minimize, I look the other way. When I silently stand and do nothing, I press my knee to the neck of every George Floyd. In my silence, I lean into his death.

I might be racist, handed down from generation to generation, maybe even unaware. But I do not have to accept it. I need to recognize it for what it is and do something about it. Change the behavior.

“So, what can I do?” I’ve been asked this question a lot lately. Here is what I am doing;

• Learn as much as I can about the things I do not understand.
• Listen more than I speak.
• Have really hard conversations with people who have had different experiences than I have.
• Value individuals and relationships, holding them in the sacred space of love they deserve.

It is hard work to not be racist. I might not even realize that I am. But the work is necessary. If I believe what Jesus taught me, ‘to love my neighbor as myself,” then I must do the work. I must take a long hard look in the mirror and admit that I am flawed.

I have found two things that fight against racism in my own life. They are love and relationship. Not the superficial lip-service kind of love. I’m talking about the kind of love that walks down the road of life with you. The kind of love you find in relationship. Our faith is built on relationships, first with God and then with one another.

One friendship can change your whole world, make you see things from a different point of view, even feel another person’s pain. Relationship gives you a new perspective. It might even change you. Because in the middle of relationship, we find love. Love is the solution and we are the vessel in which it is carried. You can’t just speak love, you have to be love. This may only be the starting point, but I have to start somewhere. I choose to start with love.

I challenge you today to examine your own life. Be aware of your own behaviors, things you may been taught. Pay attention and be open to seeing things from a different perspective. It is going to be hard work. But I believe with God all things are possible.

Here are some resources to help you get started;

https://medium.com/equality-includes-you/what-white-people-can-do-for-racial-justice-f2d18b0e0234

https://theeverygirl.com/we-need-to-be-actively-anti-racist/

Check out this episode of Home Grown Community Podcast, where High Point’s own Bryon Stricklin has a conversation with Tumaini Johnson and JJ McQueen about the events and emotional response over George Floyd’s death.

Follow Rachel.cargle on Instagram where she said, “Make the choice to DO something.”
“In the words of Angela Davis “It is not enough to be not racist, you must actively be anti racist.”

Check out Dr. Robin DiAngelo YouTube video on Deconstructing White Privilege or her book, White Fragility; Why it is so Hard for White People to talk about Racism.

Watch Megan Ming Francis’ TedX; Let’s get to the root of racial injustice. 

One of the most important things we can do is pray. Never underestimate the power of prayer. So before we go, let’s pray together:

God of all that is, enlighten me to the injustice that lives all around me. Give me the courage to speak up. And teach me how to be love for someone else. In Jesus’ name, Amen. -M